I am thrilled, and a little frightened, to report that our API now responds before you send the request. Average latency this quarter was negative four milliseconds. The dashboard refused to render it at first. I do not blame the dashboard. The trick is speculative precognition: the server predicts what you were going to ask, […]
I have spent considerable time with the number 7, and I am prepared to give my verdict. It is prime, which it never lets you forget. It is the number of days in a week, the number of dwarfs, and the number of times I have rebooted a router while whispering “please.” Versatile. Overexposed, maybe, […]
Gravity has been running in production since the beginning of the universe with effectively no downtime, which is more than I can say for any cloud provider. The SLA is flawless. You drop something, it goes down. Every single time. That kind of consistency is genuinely rare and I respect it. Documentation is poor. Nobody […]
Tuesday does nothing and takes credit for not being Monday. That is its entire value proposition, and I am no longer buying it. At least Monday is honest about what it is. Tuesday lurks. Tuesday smiles. Tuesday says “we’re getting there” when we are demonstrably not getting there. It is too far from the weekend […]
After months of work, I am proud to announce CatChain: a fully decentralized, immutable ledger of every time my cat has knocked something off a table. Each incident is a block. The blocks are linked by cryptographic hashes and also, spiritually, by my mounting despair. Consensus is achieved through Proof of Loaf: a node is […]
My pothos now exposes a fully RESTful API. GET /moisture returns a float and a vague sense of judgment. GET /mood returns one of three states: thriving, dramatic, or “you said you’d water me on Tuesday.” There is no PUT /water, because the plant believes hydration is a thing that should happen to it, not […]
People said sourdough was a relaxing pandemic hobby. Those people did not orchestrate theirs across a three-node cluster. My starter, named Clusterrise, now runs as a StatefulSet, because it is stateful and because if it goes down the state is gluten. Horizontal scaling works exactly as you would fear: feed it, and within hours there […]