I am thrilled, and a little frightened, to report that our API now responds before you send the request. Average latency this quarter was negative four milliseconds. The dashboard refused to render it at first. I do not blame the dashboard. The trick is speculative precognition: the server predicts what you were going to ask, […]
After months of work, I am proud to announce CatChain: a fully decentralized, immutable ledger of every time my cat has knocked something off a table. Each incident is a block. The blocks are linked by cryptographic hashes and also, spiritually, by my mounting despair. Consensus is achieved through Proof of Loaf: a node is […]
My pothos now exposes a fully RESTful API. GET /moisture returns a float and a vague sense of judgment. GET /mood returns one of three states: thriving, dramatic, or “you said you’d water me on Tuesday.” There is no PUT /water, because the plant believes hydration is a thing that should happen to it, not […]
People said sourdough was a relaxing pandemic hobby. Those people did not orchestrate theirs across a three-node cluster. My starter, named Clusterrise, now runs as a StatefulSet, because it is stateful and because if it goes down the state is gluten. Horizontal scaling works exactly as you would fear: feed it, and within hours there […]